Guilt and happiness

I am so stinking bored today. I wish sometimes I could just call in sick or take a day off from work (lord knows they wouldn't miss me here) so I could get some much needed stuff done around the house. It really is frustrating, both morally and physically, when I don't have anything pressing to do and I spend my time searching the Internet or blogging. I do feel guilty. But I don't know what else to do in these down times. Ugh.

So our date night...very very nice. We went to a restaurant that had a piano bar and ate LOTS of good food and listened to some good music. The duo that played is the band that a friend of mine wants to have play at their wedding. They were pretty good...I am going to let her know I approve (right, like my approval will make the difference). DH and I ate sooo much we were both feeling like we could puke when we left. We really overdid it...and I felt like I had a food hangover the next day. I don't think I have EVER eaten that much. And I promised myself I was going to run on Saturday to make up for it...right...no beans there.

We realized when we were eating that this would have been the weekend, 6-years ago, that we went on our first date. Awwww. So we reminisced a bit about that and laughed and giggled like we used to. It was very therapeutic.

The rest of the weekend was kind of a dud. We had some things planned, but one of those weekends that our plans did not fall into our timing very well. We tried to plan around Miss J's nap times, well that went longer than normal which pushed some stuff out. Then we drove downtown for a friends 1st birthday party, well traffic was crazy and it took us 1 1/2 hours where it should have only taken 1 hour. So then we were there for about 1 1/2 hours and had to turn around and head back home...which the traffic on the way home was just as messy. Not sure why.

But then the same thing on Sunday, went to church and our normal route...well...road construction. We had to detour. Ok, not too late...but then we were going to go up to the new Cabella's that they opened afterwards. We thought Miss J would nap a bit on the way there, but nope. She fell asleep about 10 minutes before we got there, which meant should would not have had much of a nap at all, so we decided to drive around and then find a place to eat lunch. She was so cranky, barely ate, and was just being a fussy pants. so we went to Cabella's and thought she may sleep while we were walking around...but nope, she was soooo overstimulated and could not relax. Ugh. Finally we decided to leave, without buying a thing (DH had a gift card to buy some new boots there, but there were too many frigging people he decided not to look).

Ok, on our way home, thinking we would take a scenic route to see the trees...and guess what, more construction. Detour all around, traffic and more construction...took us almost an hour for what should have taken about 1/2 hour. I was cranky...feeling like we didn't get anything accomplished and spend more time on the road the past two days than we did with Miss J or getting anything done.

I decided to mow the lawn (therapeutic for me to ride the riding lawn mower for about an hour). But I got frustrated again because I then saw all the yard work we needed to get done and didn't know when the heck we were going to be able to get it done.

I guess the whole thing is that I feel like we only have two days on the weekend to spend as a family and to get the things done on the house that need to get done. But then it is also two days that would be nice to relax and sit back and chill. But, you can't do all that in two days (unless you don't sleep and go 24-hours a day). I feel bad I don't spend much time with Miss J, even during the week. I pick her up from school, come home, and then have a million things to do around the house so I don't spend the time with her. Then we eat and it is bed time for her. Then after that...I am beat so we chill on the couch and I fall asleep by 9pm or 10pm. Another night blown. So then I think we will have the weekend to spend catching up...no bananas. So by Sunday night, I am overwhelmed and feeling guilty that I didn't spend more "quality" time with Miss J and feeling overwhelmed that I didn't get my "list" done for the weekend. And I know I am making this extreme, we do get some stuff done and I do spend some time with Miss J...but not as much as I would like. And then when you throw in not having anything constructive to do at work and having your mind thinking what you could be doing instead at home to accomplish that "list"...uhhhh.

Ok, enough complaining about my guilt. Sometimes I think I have AMS rather than PMS. I am often more emotional and moody AFTER my AF has visited. Anyone else have that feeling.

A co-worker of mine just came in the office and said that she had her baby on Saturday. Yeah, she was here, at work, looking all great like she hadn't had a baby. Granted, he was born 8-weeks early and is a healthy little bean...but, get this, she was here at work, like nothing had happened. Crazy I tell ya! Well, congrats to the new addition. Tyler Patrick.

And then the other good news, my SIL is engaged. She called us yesterday to say her boyfriend proposed on Saturday. It is weird though. They have known each other for 7 months and he is 38 yrs old where she is 26 (so 12 years apart). He has never been married, doesn't have any kids, is a really nice guy. But, it is weird. We are very happy for them, but there is always that "question" of why so soon and why the age difference and what is the real reason? I don't know...I wish I didn't have those questions running around in my head and that I was just happy...but I can't help but wonder. Weird...that is all I can say. But, again...we are very happy for them. And as long as they are happy and know in their hearts that it is the right direction, than who are we to ask all these questions.

OK, I am all over the place today. Up, down, all around. There are just so many lose ends I feel like going around and nothing is flowing. I feel jagged and rough and scattered and all over the place. Just wish I could focus on one thing, make that happen, then focus on the next. I also wish I could get a run in today, but that would mean having to run my errands after work rather than at lunch and therefore jeopardizing my time with Miss J. Ok, enough guilt talk...