Anxious

I guess I was getting a little over-confident in what my work review was going to reveal. I had been saying for months that there would have to be some sort of promotion involved in my next review since I had been, in a sense, supervising and acting as a "lead" of our department for the past year. My boss is a Director, and there are four of us that are "analysts" and I have been leading over them while my boss handles the higher up stuff. So they come to me to ask questions on where to go and what to do. Am I there boss? No, not really, but they would come to me before going to my boss. However, we all have the same title. So, part of me was kind of hoping there would be a change in my title or job status...not just a merit increase. Um, nope. Kind of bummed me out. I mean, I know they would have to "create" a new position if that were the case, and what would it be anyway. But I was kind of hoping deep down that would happen. Didn't. My increase was a bit smaller than last year but not because lack of performance, lack of funds.

I guess I need to look at the bright side...I still have my job, I didn't get a pay decrease (like my neighbor who is getting a 10% decrease, as is the rest of the company, starting in October), and at least I got some sort of increase and an ata-girl. In this economy, could I ask for more?

On another note...our well pump is needing to be replaced. And, as with anything having to do with our house, what seems like a simple task, always snowballs into one thing after another after another. This was no exception. We thought the guy could come out, pull out the old pump, put in a new pump (a little bigger than the last one in case we decide to add on to our house and add another bathroom), and that would be that. Nope...find out that the new pump takes a 220V line rather than a 110V that we currently have. Well, that just unloads a bunch of questions of how it is going to be done. I won't go into it here, but it is a matrix of what-ifs. I sure hope it doesn't add too much additional cost onto this unexpected repair. Ugh...but such as life sometimes.

As for baby and me...we are hanging in there. I think he dropped a bit earlier in the week, I felt a bit of relief in my chest and a little more pressure down below. Usually, being my second pregnancy, that would mean he would make a presence pretty soon (with first pregnancies lightening often happens weeks before the baby is ready). But, nothing yet. I had some interesting contractions/pressure/uncomfortablity yesterday for a few hours, but then that resided a bit. I went to the chiropractor yesterday who massaged those "key" areas around my ankles trying to get the uterus to start moving...yeah, not much. I am a bit too hopeful I guess right now. He will come when he is ready.

I did get my bag packed and in my car last night...and finished washing some more things for the baby boy...so my baby task list is officially checked off!! I think we are going to wait until he makes his delivery before moving the changing table into his room. It is really nice to have it in Miss J's room to change her diapers and clothes and get her ready. I don't think I could bend over either on her bed or on the floor to do those things...so that will be the last thing to move. Other than that...we are ready freddy!! Physically, mentally, logically...just maybe not emotionally yet. Still not sure what two kids is going to look like or what it is going to be like with an infant baby again. I think it is just going to blow my mind to see how small this bundle is going to be and how helpless and fully reliant he is on someone (me!!) Miss J has become so independent - sometimes TOO independent - that it will just be a whole mentality change. I did it when Miss J was born, I am sure I can do it again, just the anticipation of it all is getting to me!!

My goal these next 17 days (or less) is to RELAX!! If that means baths, and massages, and pampering, and reading NON-BABY books, and even a little sip of wine now and then...that is my goal. RELAX. I still feel a little tense about all of this that is going on. And not so much tense as mainly anxious. Is the labor going to be the same, is the delivery going to be the same, will it be shorter, longer, will my water break before I get to the hospital, will I remember or know what contractions are and at what point to call the doc, will it be in the middle of the night or while I am at work, will I be able to get a hold of my mom to take Miss J when we go to the doc, will DH be able to leave work right away, how long will I be in the hospital, will he be happy and healthy and take to BFeeding like Miss J did....I could obviously go on and on. And I know for a fact that EVERY mother goes through this...just thought the second time around I might not be so anxious. NOT!!

So I am off to finish some last minute tasks for work. Wait to see what is going on with the well pump at our house. And go home to RELAX tonight. Take a bath, read some, and try to go to bed early!!