Where am I??

I am here, sorry I am MIA a bit. Funny, I have had stuff to talk about, but every time I go to blog, I start to feel guilty that I am at work and I should be working and not blogging, so I don't. Then a week goes by and here I am, with too much to talk about that if I write about it all it will be pages long and y'all will get very, very bored.

So, I guess the highlights will have to do.

I have realized that there is no "gate" in the path from my brain to my mouth. I have been spitting things out lately that sound good in my head, but no so good when they come out of my mouth. For example, I walked passed a girl in the hallway yesterday who I haven't seen in quite awhile. So in my head I am thinking, hmmm, last time I saw her she was pregnant. Way pregnant, and every time I saw here I wondered when she was due and how much more pregnant she was going to get. so when I saw her yesterday I thought, hmmm, she can't still be pregnant, can she. And before the "gate" stopped that thought, it was out of my mouth..."you aren't still pregnant are you?" S##T. What did I just say? No, wait a minute, that came out wrong. You really don't still look pregnant. I meant to say...how is your baby doing? Really, it sounded so much better in my head.

And there have been others lately. Not as pronounced as this one, but other comments that after I said them I thought, hmmm, should I really have said that out loud?

After analyzing why this "gate" is not working lately, I determined that it may be because I have been sheltered from adult conversations for too long. I don't have any friends that I actually have long, verbal conversations with any more. I don't go out and socialize much any more. Most of my human contact lately is either my husband, in laws, mother, or through blog/email. Well, I can tell you through blog/email, you have more time to think before you "post". You can look back and review and see if what you are saying may come off wrong. And with my husband I just let loose about everything and anything and am honest. With my in laws and mother, well, I don't do much talking myself in those situations, they do it all for me. So, when I analyze all that, I could see how that "gate" could be broken. I have lost practice with how to have a conversation with someone and guard my tongue. So how do I change that. Not sure yet. I need to find some women who would like to get together with us and their babies, or even just get on the phone every few days and call a girlfriend to talk about something, or nothing. So that is my new goal for the summer.

4th of July was nice. DH and I both took Tuesday off of work to get ready for our party on the 4th. We got a ton done. We went and got a p/u truck full of mulch and mulched our house. We (deep) cleaned the house, cleaned the yard, set the patio up for guests. It felt weird doing all that without Jos around. We took her to school that day so we could actually get stuff done. And we did.

We usually have a bunch of people over on the 4th. Like 25-30. Well this year turned out to be small and sweet. Only 8 adults and two children. It was nice to not have to run around like a chix with its head cut off...and take care of a 10 month old. We very much enjoyed ourselves. And by 7pm most everyone was gone and I was asleep on the couch by 8:30pm. No fireworks for us. But that was OK. Didn't miss much.

Discussion has begun over the order and possibility of the following: New house, New truck for DH, New baby. The problem is what order. We cannot have a new baby without a bigger house because we just don't have the room (we could do it, just would be tight). But we can't look for a new house until we are ready to put our house on the market. And really we should do the new house before the new truck. So, we are all mumbo jumbo on what to do next. But it is in discussion as of now.

And the thought of getting our house ready to go on the market just blows my mind. Where to start, what do we really need to do to make it sellable. How do we get rid of all the clutter so it looks showable. Ahh, that is a project in itself.

And baby, well I tell you I am tired of being on the pill. I was on the low estrogen while nursing and got tired of the two AF a month. So I switched back to the normal one I was on for 10+ years and I already hate it. No sex drive what so ever. My moods are crazy. And I just hate the thought of putting more hormones in me. Yuck. So maybe next month I will go off, and we will just work around the prime time OV cycle so as not to get PG quite yet. But that is always a gamble. DH is on board with this too (it is not just me crying about not liking the hormone thing). The minute I mentioned that my sex drive would jump back up there he was like, "oh yeah, sounds good, why don't you go off the pill next month". Gosh, is that all it takes? Not to mention, it may help with my weight loss too.

So that is pretty much my up to date.

We are going to a local baseball game this weekend with my DH work (which is a whole other soap opera). My mom also has tickets to the same game so we will probably to visit with his work, then go sit next to my mom and hang out. This will be Jos' first baseball game. Fun fun.

FIL is finally picking up health. They determined he had a dormant virus that was activated by the Stem Cell Transplant and thus the reason why he has had diarrhea for weeks and losing weight like crazy. So he has been in the hospital for almost two weeks and finally is getting better. Sure hope he gets out of there soon and gets on the high road to recovery. Please continue to pray for him and my MIL.

Have a great weekend. I will try to get around to all your posts this weekend!!