Vent 101

WARNING: Venting session ahead!!

I had one of those mornings where everything just hit me and I broke down. Crying that is. On my way to work. And then once I got in, my co-work asked me a question and I broke down again. I don't think I have cried at work in years...let alone on the way to work, so hard that I was afraid I was going to have to turn around and go back home to re-apply makeup (not that it would help the red puffy eyes and nose aspect).

Do you ever feel like you work so darn hard, you do so many different tasks and multi task and go go go till you feel like your feet are going to fall off or your back is going to break. You pay the bills, you take your DD to school and pick her up, do the dishes/chores/laundry, run the errands, go shopping, get DD ready for bed including bath, get dinners ready, get up in the middle of the night to but DD back to sleep and then still get up at 6am, heck, just keep the whole world on track and in line??? Do you???

And then the one time you decide to take a break, or do something special for yourself, or even, heck, ask for help...you get this look of confusion. Like, "why"? Or you get a comment..."oh, a massage and pedicure...hmmm, must be nice." Or you get a sigh of, "why can't you get up and put the laundry in during a commercial," from that person who has been sitting on their bottom ALL afternoon watching TV themselves. Ugh....

That was my last night. That was my this morning. And finally I just had it and finally felt like I was not appreciated, or even valued. Does anyone even take a moment to think of EVERYTHING I DO?? I am exhausted. I am tired. Heck, I am also pregnant so those things are just multiplied.

I think where it started was with my mom. We go through cycles where one season she is fine and wants to spend time with me, then the next season, her life is too busy and too consumed with...her...that she barely has time to shoot me an email. Last night was the latter. We needed to talk about arrangements for watching Miss J while we are gone. Which grandma was going to take her which nights. So Miss J and I came over for dinner and to catch up. My mom was so busy with getting dinner ready, cleaning up, focusing on everything else...that we barely could hold a conversation. Finally, after dinner, Miss J wanted grandpa to read to her. So she was sitting on his lap and grandma came over to sit next to him. Then I sat down and thought...ahh, how nice, now maybe we can wrap things up and talk before we have to go. It wasn't 1 second after gpa got done reading did she jump right back up to finish dishes. And I said, "oh, I thought we were going to finish our conversation before we had to get Miss J home." Her response was, it will only take a couple minutes...at which point grandpa got up and decided he was going to do them so we could talk...which turned into them having a discussion about that for 5-minutes how she feels bad that he always does the dishes and how she likes to do the dishes...

At that moment I though...yeah, she likes to do the dishes more than she likes to spend time with her daughter and grand-daughter. Ugh...just pierced me and hurt.

So we started to get ready to go...and then she starts to talk about herself and her new therapy and her new stuff and focuses on HER stuff for like 10 straight minutes...all the while I am trying to walk out the door to get Miss J home to bed and let the dog out who has been couped up all day and was probably crossing her legs to go out. But nooo, it was her turn to talk about HERself and HER stuff.

I could go on and on about stories like that and her aches and pains and woes and poor me's. They exhaust me.

The other thing that exhausts me (and DH) lately is the whole wedding planning for my SIL. Wow...what a drama that situation is. And we have gotten to the point that DH and I just cannot say a peep about ANYTHING. If we are asked anything, keep our mouth shut. No joking around, no giving our 2 cents or opinion. Just do what we are told and in a couple months it will all be over with.

Ugh...what a horrible feeling to be walking on eggshells with both families. It is tiring, and emotional, and frustrating...and then we have our own lives and illnesses and job issues and time constraints and chores and things we have to get done.

Where does it stop? Hopefully just around the corner.

But since I rarely vent about these type of things...I guess I was overdue and you gals were in for a treat!!

Hope I didn't bore you...Hope you can say a little prayer for us this weekend. It would be much appreciated!