Spa and stuff

This weekend was pretty nice and relaxing. I almost felt like it was a 3-day weekend. It was nice.

Saturday, I left early to drop off Jos at grandmas and head up to the Spa to meet the other girls. The morning flowed...it took about 1 1/2 hours to get up to the spa, but once I was there I didn't care. I was on time, but the other girls were a little behind. So I changed into my swim suit and hung out by the pool for about an hour. Had my pedicure, took a nap, then met up with the rest of the girls for lunch and mimosas. It was fun catching up.

There were only four of us, but we were all in different places in our lives. I was married with a baby, one girl was married, one girl was getting married, and the other was single with no beau. But we all were able to connect. I felt so girly and young again talking about how she got engaged and the planning for the wedding and all the details. It was like we were all giddy and acting like kids again.

They all had another service in the afternoon and I decided to hang out a bit longer to spend some more time with them...so I took another nap. Those naps were so nice. Even though they were just for 15-20 minutes, they seemed like forever. It was so peaceful, I was able to turn my mind off and just relax. Ahhhh, I don't get that at home. At home, I would be thinking about the million things I have to get done while baby is sleeping. It was a much needed retreat.

Sunday, we had my in-laws over. They haven't seen Jos in a few weeks and with my FIL not feeling to well, he really needed a pick me up by seeing Jos. I am really worried about my FIL. He has lost over 20lbs in two weeks...which is not a good sign. He seemed to be doing well with the transplant and feeling pretty good. But he past two weeks, not so much. I guess he has a doc appt this week and hopefully they will be able to tell him what is going on. I pray his body is not rejecting this transplant. And I really pray he has many, many more years of life ahead of him. It brings back so many memories of my father and him being sick.

My DH asked me last night how I dealt with my dad being sick. He never really asked me that before. So, I told him "Not very well." First off, I had to be the strong one. I was taking him to doctor appts and doing his finances and taking care of his house, etc. I barely had time to really know what was going on. I was in the constant "go" mode. And when I did slow down and it hit me, I dealt with it by drinking 4/5 vodka tonics and passing out on the couch in front of the TV. Yup, that was my way to deal with it at the time. I also was not a Christian, so I leaned on all the wrong things. But, it was in my father's death, that I found life. I became a Christian not long after that...all the while when my father was sick, I was constantly getting signs from God to lean on him, to read about him...but I didn't know what that meant or how to do it. I remember during the last weeks of my dad's life, I would sit by his bedside and read from "The Story of God." It was a novel of the bible and it was a different way to read the bible and its stories. I found my dad being interested in it too and got great comfort about what was to come. To this day, I don't know for sure if my father ever accepted Christ into his life, but I like to think he did (whether it was at one time during his life, or if it was in the last days of his life). I felt God had such a hand in how things played out. To the extent that when I went to kneel by the bedside of my father after he passed, I honestly felt God standing behind me with his hand on my shoulder, comforting me. That is how I knew it was all going to be OK and there was a reason for all of this.

All I could tell my husband is that if I had it to do over again, and was a Christian, I would pray for him and with him constantly. I would spend as much time with him as possible and be as honest with him as I could. Sharing the past, sharing my thoughts and worries. And I would surround myself with friends/family that could support me and that I could lean on whenever.

I sure hope DH can do all that. It is a bit different because we don't know that FIL is NOT going to make it (unlike my father where he was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and was only given a few months to live...but lived for a few years), and my FIL is also very accepting and open about all that is going on. My dad wasn't. He denied he had cancer up until the last days of his life. He continued to smoke even though that is how he got cancer in the first place. He lived his life, but didn't think he would die one day. My FIL...completely the opposite. So it is hard to compare.

But after my DH asked me that last night, I had all this flow of emotion and memories. I am crying now just thinking about it. I don't wish what I went through with my father on anyone. The things that I did for my father while he was sick...you just don't do for your parents. You do it for your own kids (like bath them and help them to the bathroom). But I did it because I had to...there was no way around it. And I did it with so much love and didn't let it bother me because I had to be strong, I could not be weak or show I was scared because I didn't want to let my dad down or let on that I was worried. Funny how I would do things differently now. I wouldn't change what I did because that is what made me who I am today and brought me to where I stand now...but if I had the knowledge that I do now and had to do it again, I would change a bunch of stuff.

So, maybe I am getting that type of opportunity again. To help my husband through this tough time. To show him the things I learned from my experience and help him live day to day. I don't know.

OK, now that I went off on that tangent. I didn't expect to let all that out and flow...but I guess I needed to. I sometimes hold it in when I need to express it and share it. So thanks for letting me do that.

Now, I have to get back to work. Hopefully I can get some stuff done, the afternoon will fly, and I can go pick up my daughter and spend some quality time with her hugging her and praying she never has to go through this type of loss or pain (which is unlikely...but it is nice to dream about).

Have a good day girls.