Monday

So Friday night after our Christmas party and after Miss J went to bed, we got the lights and decorations up on the tree. I sure thought we had more decorations than we did. Here is the story that goes along with it...

Normally, when I decorated my tree, it was all pretty with matching bulbs, beads, ribbons, lights and a few simple decorations. It was all pretty and Victorian looking. I never had a ton of decorations like from friends or family or anything like the Hallmark ornaments...just bulbs and ribbon, etc. So when DH and I got married, his mother gave us all his decorations. So he has something like 18 years of the Hallmark collectible cars, and misc. decorations that all have a story or meaning to them. Then we got our first couple decoration, then we had Miss J and got decorations for her first Christmas, then ones for our pets....

So this year, I decided to forgo the ribbon and beads and most of the bulbs thinking we had plenty of other ornaments to cover the tree. My MIL's tree is absolutely beautiful with so many mish mash ornaments, she some how makes it look very elegant. She has no bulbs and no ribbon or anything...all mish mash ornaments. So I thought, hmm, I will try that this year. Right. It looks so empty. I thought we had more ornaments. I thought I could make it look elegant, but no luck there. Maybe I will try to add some beads or some bulbs or something too it. It just looks empty.

And of course, Miss J waited until we were both out of the room to start messing with the tree and pulling on the ornaments. She pulled a bulb off and walked it over to DH. Too cute. We didn't put many that low, some of the ones she made last year, but the bottom quarter of the tree is pretty empty. She still kind of walks by it and doesn't acknowledge it like I thought she would. I thought she would be fascinated with it...nope. Oh well, next year will probably be a whole new story.

This weekend was nice, we met my sister and her hubby and kids downtown Chicago for dinner. We do that annually. They live in Iowa, and take at least one trip to Chicago a year. So we met them at their hotel in the afternoon and went down to the pool for a couple hours. Miss J's first time in a big pool. We had a wading pool over the summer, but nothing like this. I was worried she would get a little scared. But she loved it!! She loves to put her face in the water and blow bubbles in the tub, so she was doing the same thing in the pool. She let me put her on her back and kick her legs and even on her tummy a little and she kicked by herself. I was shocked. I used to teach swim lessons over the summer when I was a teenager, so I was trying to do some of the things we would do for the infants...and I think she is going to LOVE swimming. I was planning to start up swim lessons with her next summer at our Park district pool right down the street from us. And now that I know she likes the water...I am definitely going to sign her up. Too bad we don't have an indoor pool anywhere. She actually got so comfortable that she was running around the pool and would go up to the edge like she wanted to "step" in...scared me to death...but good to know she is comfortable.

Dinner was nice. They ALWAYS snatch the check out from us and won't let us give them any money for dinner. And we usually go to a really nice place, have a bottle of wine or two...but never let us pay for anything. It is very nice, and they can afford it, but I always feel bad. Not to mention they always give us gifts and we haven't in the past (just because we felt like it was a gift to get to see them and have dinner). So this year we got them a dessert fondue set that the family can do together. Plus, since we had to leave our stuff in their room and they had theater tickets after dinner, they gave us their key to pick up our stuff in their room before we headed back. So, we left them some money. I know we should have just let it be. I know they aren't saying, "gosh, we paid for another one of their dinners, I wish they would buck up one time." But we felt a little bad. But what is funnier (I know, not a word), is that after we left the money, I felt bad. Like we should have just accepted that they like to buy dinner and give us gifts and we don't have to do anything in return, and actually by leaving them money it might have made them feel uncomfortable. I should just let it go...but I feel bad for leaving the money now. I guess, I would probably feel bad for not leaving the money too. But I just have to get over it and accept it.

After over thinking that the other day...I came to realize that I have been very nit picky about my actions and words lately. Overly concerned that I the things I am saying or doing aren't "socially acceptable". Which is funny, because why should I care what people think unless I am doing something or saying something that is heartless or hurtful. Which, I am not. But just things like leaving the money. I should have just let it go. Or, when we were volunteering at church yesterday, a friend stopped by to chit chat a bit and I brought up the subject of DH being worried about his sister and fiance situation. Which I didn't mean to bring up the subject to tell her the whole story (which is what ended up happening), but just to make a comment in response to something she said about her daughter. Again, not saying anything hurtful, but just unnecessary to bring up I guess.

I should just let these things go. There are other little things that I have been worrying about that I really shouldn't. I am worried about how people view me or if they think I am weird or talk too much, or say things out of turn, or talk over people. But, again, I should not worry about what others think (as long as I am not disgracing God or setting bad examples). I am just be me. Just odd that I am being so hard on myself.

And funny, yesterday I started getting a cold, and it is in my throat. No stuffy nose, no sinus stuff, no drippy anything...but no voice. Yeah. I sound like I am whispering and I squeak every once in awhile. Hmmm, maybe that is God's way of saying I should stop talking so much and keep my mouth shut. Or think about my words and actions before speaking or acting. Oh, I don't know. Again...reading into it. But the voice thing is really weird. Like I have something caught in my throat that is covering up my vocal chords. Hopefully it will go away soon.

Other than that...my mother is having a hard time recuperating from her Knee replacement. She hurts...a lot. I wish I could do more for her. I guess bringing Miss J over to see her would be good enough for now.

Oh, I slammed my finger int he car door yesterday. Oweee. I haven't done that since I was a kid. It is all bruised on my nail and hurts if I put pressure on it. I hope I don't lose my nail though. And then, I also have a kink in my neck that I hope my Chiropractor will help adjust tonight.

Miss J has now been sleeping with us for about a week. Not like she goes to bed with us, but about 1:30/2am she wakes up either coughing or crying and so I go in there, and she won't let me lay her back down. I have to pick her up. Last night, I was able to get her back to sleep by rocking her and laying on the couch after about 30-45 min. So I went back to bed, wide awake, and then at 3am I hear her up again. At that point I am like forget it, she is coming to bed with us so I can get some sleep. Yeah, still didn't get much sleep. She was up at 5am. So tonight, I told my hubby I am going to kick him to get up with her, because she doesn't do that with him. She will go back to bed. And the thing is now she is used to me getting up to get her and pick her up and bring her to bed. We need to untrain this behavior. I tried to let her cry it out a bit this morning, but she cried harder and harder. And I don't want to let it go too long or she will never get back to bed. I just wish she would sleep through the night again. She lost that nack...and it is bugging me! We will try it with dad putting her to sleep and getting up with her tonight. She won't pull that crap with him!!

Ugh...I am falling apart. But that isn't what this entry was about...I will be better. There is always tomorrow.

Have a great Monday!