It is funny, because last week I started to get this kink in my neck, then I felt a cold coming on that I kept trying to outrun by drinking Echinacea tea and taking high doses of Vitamin C and taking zinc and anything else you could come up with to battle a cold. Well, Sunday/Monday I got it anyway. So I mentioned to my co-worker that it is like my body is under stress with this kink in my neck and cold that I got...but I don't feel like I am under any stress. Then he goes on to mention that, well, with DH not having a job, your DH and SIL having issues with the whole wedding thing, dealing with an upcoming holiday after the death of FIL...uh, yeah, I would say you are under some stress.
So, it got me thinking...and now I feel the stress. Before, my body just felt it, now my head feels it. I guess that is good though, because I can address it at least. Ahhh, I don't know.
I went back to look at my posts last year this time...and had to go back to the Nest...you remember the Nest, right?
I think I was under just as much stress last year this time...and I had a 3-month old and dealing with being a new mom and the pressures of new mom-hood, new grandma-hood, new family-hood. Gosh, this year doesn't seem so stressful. Why, sure it does, just different kinds.
But what I did enjoy reading was some thought provoking posts I wrote about Solitude and being a new mom and the wonders of children. That was refreshing.
But I guess what I realized is that for some reason Christmas doesn't flow for me. All the other holidays and birthdays I can flow with, but Christmas I seem to go against the grain with the IL's. Maybe it is because I have a different idea of how Christmas should be or be about. Maybe it is because I grew up as an only child, no cousins or aunts or anything, no extended family to "celebrate" with. And usually it was just either me and my mom, or me and my dad since they were divorced when I was 6yrs old. So it was never a big thing. We always tried to do a simple day, no big gifts or huge family dinners. Just me and my mom or me and my dad. So now I am in this family where presents are a BIG deal. That is how you show your love and appreciation. There is no set rule on who is buying gifts for whom and whom not for.
The first year I celebrated with my husband's family, while we were dating...the gift opening took over 8 hours to complete. Yes...8 hours. We stopped and watched every person open their pile of gifts and everyone got everyone a present. We didn't leave until after midnight. Well, then it progressed into setting some rules on adults only buy a secret Santa gift but Aunties still buy for all the kids (who were all in High School and college by the way), but since DH and I were older (by 8 years) we kind of felt obligated to buy for them too. Then the next year it changed again and we set some $$ amount limits (like $60...which to me is still extreme for a secret Santa gift). Then the $$ amounts changed.
It was like each year we were trying to find a magic balance but still it never balanced out. The year, we set a family $$ amount for the P family. But it is all weird. Because do we buy per couple, or per person and is it from the couple or from each person. Come on people. Lets get in the grove of things. I would much rather do just one gift...like $20 and then spend family time together each weekend in December. Doing memorable things. But...that is me and the type of family I come from. And I don't dare mention anything because I get these looks. Gosh...
So I asked my SIL what her and her fiance wanted for Christmas...her response...gift cards. OK, can we say very insincere, especially for immediate family? Any other thoughts, like sleep pants or a sweater or a CD or something? But gift card. OK. Then I get an email today saying that she got a call from one of the Aunts, saying she was not able to get everything on their list so if we still were thinking of something to get her fiance, we could get said named DVD's. Uhh, OK, so you gave your Aunt a list of ideas, but couldn't come up with anything for your brother and SIL because you weren't that into Christmas this year anyway. WTFudge.
I don't get it. And I just have to let it go...again.
So, my plan. We are going out for our first shopping of the year on Saturday. Find small things like candles, or sweaters or something thoughtful for MIL, SIL and future BIL. I already have the 1-gift for each my mom and her husband. And DH and I aren't buying each other anything because it just isn't necessary. Plus, I already bought him a winter jacket a few weeks ago, and we just bought a used snow blower. Maybe we will just go out for dinner one night and spend time together. We don't "need" anything. Just time together would be nice.
I guess, we all view Christmas differently. We all have different levels of how important the events are and gifts are and traditions are. I tried to start a new tradition with DH and I our first year of marriage. I found a great cinnamon bun recipe (homemade) that I decided to make for us Christmas morning and spend time in the sun room of our house sipping coffee and eating cinnamon buns before opening presents. So last year, we brought that tradition to my IL's house (because we had Josey and had to be at the IL's for her first Christmas), and I am going to try to do it again this year. Hopefully they won't mind?
The other thought I had to start a new tradition this year was based off the thought that Jesus was born on Christmas day. And He is a gift to us (and a wonderful gift!!). And I thought what a great idea to come up with a baby Jesus doll, and wrap it up as a gift for one of the family members to open...as a gift...a gift of baby Jesus to the world. What a neat way to get Miss J excited and remember the reason for the season. I know she won't "get it" this year, but next year she would. And what a cool memory to bring up into the family about wondering who was going to get to open the gift of Jesus each year.
Now, I am challenged with finding a baby Jesus. Probably just a baby doll wrapped in swaddling would do. But, I am not going to go overboard and make a big deal about it.
Ok, enough complaining.
Sorry my past posts have been all complaining and stress and frustration. That is really not who I am. But rather than internalize it or complain to my hubby about it who gets stressed out when I am stressed out...I felt better writing about it. So I hope you don't take it wrong or offense to it. But this is a place for me to be myself and talk about my insides...and that is what I am doing. I promise, I will write about something more uplifting soon!!
EDIT:
I just opened a book that was sitting on my desk that I proabaly haven't opened in about a year. It was the same book I quoted last year about Solitude. So I opened "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard J. Foster and came across the chapter on Simplicity. The first thing I read:
"Simplicity is freedom. Duplicity is bondage. Simplicity brings joy and balance. Duplicity brings anxiety and fear. The preacher of Ecclesiastes observes that 'God made man simple; man's complex problems are of his own devising' (Eccles. 7:30)"
Hmmm...did that just sum up all that I just talked about above and what I should do about it?!?!?
9 comments:
I'm totally ok that you vent on here and I don't think you've been negative, or anything. I think you've been real and I GREATLY appreciate it. Oh and awesome quote. :-)
8 hours!? 8 hours to open presents? Wow. What a day. Baby P is going to be restless that day!
It's funny to look back on old nest posts. I did that the other day too. IT's interesting to see where life has taken us since then.
I hope you're doing well and having a good week! I like your quote too!
oh the soapbox I can jump on about presents!!
growing up I got plenty of presents. Definately more than I ever needed. I was an only child and grandchild for 12 years so go figure.
However I was also taught about the reason for the season and always bought a gift for a needy child and cleaned out toys I didn't play with or had outgrown blah blah blah.
As I got older I'm sure my parents had a budget for my brother and I but we always had more than that and my parents (g'rents too) bought because they WANTED to buy for us. They enjoyed it and it made them happy.
Enter husbands family!
Buying Christmas gifts for his mother is eqivalent to having you feet amputated with no numbing agents. It's a huge deal and a huge inconvenience. They also have a certain gift limit for everyone and by golly they will spend that if it means buying you a bottle of lotion and then giving you a box of the remaining cash.
Um, awkward! Not joyous! Don't give me gifts out of obligation b/c I don't need that. Give from your heart because you want to or just pass me up, please and thank you!
Furthermore, I'm a good shopper (which you know if you've ever read about my good deals or read the bargainista that I also write). I can get a very nice gift on a very tight budget and therefore choose not to give gift cards, etc.
Hubs brother called him to tell us where he wanted a gift card to for Christmas.
ARE? YOU? KIDDING? ME?
I was livid! That's not the way I roll. His brother and sister are rather selfish and it's definately about getting gifts, and then they're finished with you.
My suggestion was since there are four of us and since they have significant others and will most likely get married and that will make 6 of us is that we draw names among ourselves and have a $25 dollar limit.
Aghast! Only one $25 dollar gift besides what the parents give?
Geesh people! I personally think we should read the Christmas story, eat some biscuits and call it a Christmas morning.
Ok ok, but onto the baby Jesus doll, what about finding a wood or plastic nativity set that she can play with? that way you're slowly teaching her the whole story of Christmas and the nativity? I hear little people has a nativity set and often craft stores have wood items like that.
sorry for such a loooooooooooooong comment--but the gift thing really gets me going. And by the way, $60 is far too much! That's why I say spend $25, everyone buys a gift for the 'rents, and then we all pitch in some money to either get them a nice gift or a giftcard to the grocery since they're spending so much on food.
Ok, over now.
I promise!
Amen! Christmas has totally turned into waaay too much stress! The present thing really stresses me out, I'm just thankful to make it through alive! All way can do is pray our way through it and try our very best to instill in our kids what we feel like Christmas is all about.
Ooh, simplicity! LOL :p I love simplicity and simplifying and all that. Get rid of the junk! Get rid of the clutter! If you don't need it, haven't used it, can't wear it, get rid of it! Haha. But my husband is such a pack-rat that it's next to impossible to throw things away. Haha.
On another note, I have to wonder, what's wrong with gift cards? I know that some people think they are impersonal. But isn't it better for the person to get what they want rather than to open a gift they don't like, have to worry about hurting your feelings by asking for a gift reciept and then go through the hassle of returning/exchanging a gift? Anthony and I are going the "impersonal" route and getting gift cards for many of our family. Gift cards to favorite book stores, restaraunts and shopping places. I couldn't pick out a pair of shoes for my mom to save my life! LOL :p I was actually relieved to hear that the family member we drew wanted a gift card. Whew! That's one less person I have to stress over to figure out the "perfect" gift. LOL
I hope that your Christmas shopping goes well this weekend and that you are able to find those perfect gifts for your family. :o) Take care and have a good weekend!
Wow...I couldn't afford to be in that family! I completly agree with you about the whole gift exchange. My family always makes Christmas a big deal, but not with presents...thank goodness! Christmas is expensive enough.
I love the line from the book! Thanks for sharing.
Oh, I am going through a lot of the same stresses you are with the ILs and $ for presents. DH and I said $20 pp and now I found out what some of the other relatives spent and I feel a little bad, but oh well, I would rather spend less and make it meaningful that just be over the top! You are so right that the holidays are about being together and spending time with each other, not about money and gifts.
I'm hoping your stress is subsiding, but Christmas and ealing with the fmailies certainly have a way of making that happen. Here's to hoping for the best...
Stress and the holidays seem to go together anymore. We draw names at the IL and it is always a big deal. Someone always gets upset with some part of it. This year the limit is $50. So you end up spending $100 per couple! Good Grief!!! If I start shopping the day after Christmas for the next year, and get some great bargains (I love bargains), I can buy really nice gifts and get everyone something and only spend a little over $100.
Simplicity is the key! But you have to get everyone on the same page.........that is the hard part!
Good luck! And enjoy as much as you can
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