To pump or not to pump

Today is the first day without pumping...and now I am starting to regret not bringing my stuff. The problem was I was taking my two pump breaks, and getting less than 4-oz total and then I didn't have enough milk for JW when I nursed him at night and he would get so mad that he couldn't have any milk, cry and cry and cry, then I couldn't get him to even drink formula because he was so upset and would end up putting him to bed without anything fearful that he would wake up in the middle of the night hungry and I would fell bad, yada yada yada.

So, yesterday I only pumped once, early on, thinking that would give me enough milk to nurse him at night. Voila, the school fed him a bottle at 4:45, then I fed him some sweet potatos and cereal...and he wasn't hungry for me to nurse him before bed. I tried to pump at that time and got zippo, like less than an ounce.

Today I thought I would not pump at all during the day, and then have enough for him tonight or at least to pump...I am regretting that a bit. I feel very full...and am sure this is really going to be my last week nursing at all. Once you start down that slippery slope, it is tough to go back.

So, I have been bracing myself for the change. I have really loved nursing Jack...not that it wasn't the toughest thing when I started, but now I love it. Love the time we spend together, love the way he looks at me, loves how much HE loves it! I took a picture yesterday morning as he was looking out the window in awe of the green trees and flowers blooming. He had this look of being so satisfied and of such innocence like nothing else in the world was going on. Made me wonder what the heck he was thinking about.

However, I will be so excited to be able to wear normal bras!! To not have to wear a "pad" every day. To not have to interrupt my work day flow to go pump. To not have to worry about where I am going to pump or how long I can be out without pumping. To not worry about drinking a glass of wine or beer or having to wait until after I feed him to have one (whew...nice to have when you get home from work!). It will be an adjustment, but I think I am ready. It has been a great run of almost 7 months! Longer than I went with Miss J. But this is the 6 month slump time, and with the stresses going on, and my hormones shifting, and my time committments changing...it is time.

So what else is going on in my world? Miss J has fluid in her ear again. I think it has just turned into an infection, and the ENT put her on antibiotics and set up another visit in two weeks. If the fluid isn't gone, they want to do tubes...again. Yes, we had tubes just over a year ago and they fell out in February, just shy of a year. And I sure thought we made it through the worst of the season without colds or fluid or infections...and now this.

I immediately got her into the chiropractor...which I have not taken her to before - I have taken JW and I go regularly...but never her. She likes it now. And I am hoping they can loosen up some of the fluid and get it to drain. I would love not to have to do tubes again. But since I am starting to worry about her speech now...I am afraid to wait too long and to even possibly cause more scare tissue and hearing issues further down the road. So I am at a crossroads and not sure how to proceed.

Her speech isn't bad, just some words with l's in it don't roll off her toung so well. Like she has muffled ears and can't hear herself say the words. And I don't want it to inhibit her learning...because I think she is such a smart cookie!!

We are trying to get DH's business up and rolling...again. It seems like this time of year, every year, he gets frustrated with his automotive service work, and gets a bug up his butt to be independent and get his inspection service rolling. The problem is, and always is, time. We just don't have the time to devote to getting things rolling. We get home at night, and get the kids fed and to bed, and dishes washed and things ready for the morning, and then it is 9pm and we are both exhausted we just want to crawl on the couch and chill. I know y'all understand that. So we are praying for some help to better balance and optimize our time. We don't want more time...because when we have prayed for that in the past we end up with DH without a job. Don't want/need that right now. It is just a lot...and if we had the extra $$ we would hire someone to do it all for us! Hmmm, stuck in the mud again. But I know it will work out...

Just finished Beth Moores study on Believing God. Pretty good. Intense. I lead the group, and really wish I would have had more time to really dig into the study, and reflect, and journal. But the videos were awesome and so fulfilling...I think I did pretty good for having two kids at home and working full time and leading a group of women through a very deep study! We are taking some time off and are going to try to meet back in a couple of weeks...not sure what study to do yet, but God will lead us!

Other than that...my mom had back surgery. My grandpa is NOT moving up here with us - he is staying in Oklahoma City with the family down there, and was put into a Alzhiemers assisted living home...having a hard time adjusting. We took a trip down there, only me and the kids, by air...the kids were great travelers...but the trip was less than desireable. Stressful.

Enjoying the nice weather and the blooming flowers. Here are some pics to enjoy! Taking a "load out". I say this every morning as I take a load of stuff out to the car before we go to school/work. So this morning she got herself all dressed up, and was taking a load out to the car!

Taking a picture of Miss J taking a picture of her animals and dolls. She normally has them all naked, but this morning she dressed them all up and we lined them all up.

Miss J LOVES to read, and often reads to her animals and sets up chairs in a row and reads with them.

In OKC...bro and sis.

Easter family

My cutie petutie!

Rolly polly on the floor!

Bro and sis ,posers